


the present then, the past now (but she remembers it all)

by nqkedbooths



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (like lots of fluff), 2017 Phan, Established Relationship, Fluff, Introspection, Light Angst, Light Smut, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Reality, Reflection, outsider pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-15 19:20:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11237535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nqkedbooths/pseuds/nqkedbooths
Summary: It's the later hours of the evening, and the two boys are tangled up on the couch, watching TV with the rest of the family. Well, they're supposed to be watching TV, but everyone in the room is aware of the lazy kisses being exchanged, jokes and anecdotes being spoken softly into each other's ears followed promptly by silent giggles.No one minds, though, least of all Kathryn.





	the present then, the past now (but she remembers it all)

**Author's Note:**

> Heya! So this fic was started around mid-May but due to stuff going on in real life I didn't have time to finish it until now, but later rather than never I guess!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this one since it's based around a concept that I really like! Enjoy :)

It's the later hours of the evening, and the two boys are tangled up on the couch, watching TV with the rest of the family. Well, they're supposed to be watching TV, but everyone in the room is aware of the lazy kisses being exchanged, jokes and anecdotes being spoken softly into each other's ears followed promptly by silent giggles. Everyone is aware of how they each have eyes for one thing and one thing only, one thing that is making them grin like idiots, and it's certainly not the television.

 

No one minds, though, least of all Kathryn.

 

She remembers what it was like, being young and utterly smitten with her partner, now her husband. She remembers the way her heart fluttered whenever she looked at him, the way it exploded whenever they touched. She remembers having eyes for none other than her light in the dark, the yin to her yang. Boy, does she remember.

 

Alas, with the passing of time comes the maturing and calming of love. She is no longer utterly smitten, her heart doesn't flutter or explode in the same way, she no longer has eyes for just him.

 

But with the passing of time, also comes the maturing of her memories and experience. She remembers everything that's happened since then: every tear, every shout, every kiss.

 

She remembers it all, and much, much more.

 

*

 

She remembers the days when Phil was coming of that age when every child and parent would have to endure The Talk. It was a mutually awkward experience, though perhaps less so for her since she'd discussed it before with Martyn.

 

Some parents would have reckoned that she'd commenced with it a little too early, Phil still being a couple of years away from reaching the double digits, but she didn't see the point in waiting for the sledgehammer that is puberty to hit.

 

She remembers the way his brow knit in confusion and disgust, the blush that crept up his neck, the tone of his voice as he declared that he'd never have sex at all.

 

Nowadays, she doesn't think he's as opposed to the idea.

 

At least, not with the sounds drifting from his and Dan's bedroom.

 

Hey, she doesn't mean to be a creep, it's just that she and the rest of the family had decided to take a stroll to enjoy the sun while leaving the two boys behind to their own devices, and she'd volunteered to backtrack when they were ten minutes into the walk and had realised they'd forgotten their suncream.

 

And now her punishment is to endure the intense volume of their love-making.

 

The thing is, knowing your son is in a committed, long-term romantic and sexual relationship with the love of his life is one thing.

 

Actually hearing the quiet moans coming from beyond the door, the broken gasps accompanying each movement (the timing of said movements gathered from the way the walls are trembling), the soft calls of each other's names? A whole other story.

 

She doesn't feel disgusted, just... invasive.

 

All she'd wanted was some bloody suncream.

 

She doesn't explain to the others, when she retreats, why she has returned withoutthe very reason for her backtrack...

 

(She tells them she doesn't know where it is. It's not technically a lie, it's just that she hadn't exactly spent any time or effort looking for it.)

 

...but she has a feeling they understand once they return an hour later. She doesn't miss the amusement in their eyes when they are all greeted by two very ruffled-up-looking boys. Wild eyes, untameable hair and slightly more flushed complexions than usual, not to mention a collection of love-bites on the younger's neck that were definitely not there earlier...Just a few knowing glances and all is understood.

 

Neither do they miss the increased affection the two boys show that evening: even more smiles, even more innuendos, even more shoves and tackles that turn into kissing while locked in a tight embrace.

 

Sex is a weird and wonderful thing, Kathryn muses.

 

Either way, she knows that her son's no longer as opposed to the idea.

 

*

 

If there is one thing Kathryn remembers from Phil's childhood, it was his constant need for cuddles, or just physical contact in general.

 

As a much younger child, he would climb into her and her husband's bed at night, seeking comfort from the monsters hiding in the shadows and the wild beasts of his nightmares. The nights he remained in his own room, she'd wake him up in the morning to find him curled around one of his stuffed toys, normally his favourite brown-haired teddy bear. After bad days at school, he refused to be anywhere other than in his mother's arms, crying quietly onto her shoulder as she held him tightly.

 

Of course, this need for human touch has become less apparent as he matured, but it has never really left him.

 

That much is obvious from the way he's curled up with his partner on their bed.

 

The air conditioner is humming away in the background, providing refuge from the scorching heat of the summer sun outside. The twittering and cries of birds drift through the window, but otherwise all is silent.

 

Well, there are also the silent snores and breaths of the two slumbering boys on the bed.

 

Kathryn's never seen the two of them look so serene, so at peace. The way Dan's snuggled into Phil's embrace, his back to the elder's chest; the way Phil has his arms loosely wrapped around his partner's waist, his head resting in the crook of said partner's neck; the way they're intertwined, not a single limb free of the jungle of appendages...

 

It's impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. They look like a singular entity, a unit.

 

Kathryn moves to walk away from the open door frame and continue along the corridor to her own bedroom, shaking her head fondly at the two, when out of the corner of her eye she watches as her son stirs.

 

She freezes.

 

It's okay though, for he makes no effort to open his eyes or wake up. All he does is tighten his embrace around the younger, pulling him closer as he drops a kiss to his shoulder.

 

His brown-haired teddy bear's shoulder.

 

She doesn't miss the faint smiles that form on their faces as they snuggle into each other, intertwining even more.

 

It's at this point that she leaves them to their nap, safe in the knowledge that Phil has not lost his love for human touch.

 

Not by a long shot.

 

*

 

She remembers every day of her sons' years as children. She's proud of the fact that there were more significantly more good ones - she feels like she has fulfilled her duty of raising happy, self-sufficient boys.

 

But alas, the inevitability of life is that bad days are just as probable.

 

Each bad day was never exactly the same as the next, of course, but for Phil they often stemmed from the same source: other people.

 

Other people being complete wankers who had no tolerance for those who weren't one of the crowd, although she wouldn't repeat that exact terminology to her son at that age.

 

She remembers cradling her son's shaking form after a particularly bad day. Turns out other kids didn't take so kindly to the idea of someone, namely Phil, wanting to kiss another boy.

 

Admittedly it was a concept that was new to her as well, but not one she was opposed to. Love was love and crushes were crushes, after all.

 

In the meantime, she had a saddened child to reassure.

 

She remembers as Phil looked up at her with doleful eyes, tears dripping down his face, as he recounted the insults he'd had to endure, hateful slurs, promises that he'd always be estranged, outcasted, unloved. She remembers cupping the boy's face in her hands, forcing him to look her in the eyes, as she promised that he _was_ loved _,_ very dearly in fact, by her and the rest of their family. She remembers telling him that one day he would find someone who he'd love from the bottom of his heart, someone who would love him back in equal measure.

 

She doubts that he still remembers that day, but she does.

 

Especially now that she gets to see her promises be fulfilled.

 

She catches on pretty quickly to the way in which he and Dan greet each other every morning, for example. The first one up is preparing two cups of coffee for them both, when the other comes up from behind, slips their arms around the former's waist, rests their head on their shoulder and murmurs _good morning_ into their ear. The former smiles softly before turning around in the latter's arms to face them, slipping their own arms around the latter's neck before drawing them into a brief but gentle kiss. Even after they pull away their foreheads stay touching for a few seconds, before they untangle themselves and continue with their own tasks. It's a short exchange, but one that carries meaning.

 

For another example, when the whole family sits together for a meal the two seats they leave empty for the boys are always adjacent. That's just the way it has to be. At the table their affection isn't quite as full-on, however no one misses the small gestures, the wordless communication that goes on between them. Gentle nudges, small but soft smiles, inside jokes that the rest of them shall never understand - no one minds, they’re just happy to see the two boys so at ease and content.

 

There are other things too. Phil taking photos of Dan at seemingly random moments, but apparently aren’t random to Phil judging by his fond expression whenever he takes one. Dan helping patch up some nasty cuts on Phil’s feet after the latter dropped a glass on the floor and shards went flying everywhere, scolding him about being so clumsy and how he’s going to be the cause of his own death while very carefully cleaning the wounds with gentle fingers, plus some disinfectant and tissues. Either one of them tackling the other in frustration when they lose at a round of Marine Cart or whatever it's called - honestly, she can never remember - and the tackle quickly shifting into a cuddle session on the sofa. Little things like that.

 

She doesn’t understand everything about their lives together, but she is sure about one thing: they mean the world to each other, and after all that Phil went through as a child and teen, that is all the reassurance that she needs.

 

*

 

It's the later hours of the evening, and the two boys are tangled up on the couch yet again, chatting with the rest of the family. Well, they're supposed to be chatting, but they're too far gone within their own little bubble to do so. Neither of them are saying anything at all, but everyone in the room can hear the content little hums that Phil keeps making every time Dan leaves a soft kiss on his neck - not for the purpose of arousal, just for intimacy. Phil is gently playing with the younger's brown curls in one hand, massaging his head somewhat, while the other is holding said partner's relaxed form securely curled up in his lap.

 

From experience, everyone knows that once they're off in their own universe like this, where the only thing either boy is aware of is the other, there is no way to bring them back to 'reality'. When they're like this, there is nothing else that matters to them in that moment.

 

No one minds though, they just have to try not to smile too knowingly. Especially Kathryn.

 

She's grinning because she remembers what it's like, that feeling of wanting nothing but the other, craving simple displays of affection. She remembers feeling like her significant other is her whole reality, like she'd be completely and utterly lost without them. She remembers this burning passion, this all-consuming need to be as close to her partner as possible, this powerful fire within her.

 

Alas, over the years some of the passion has been lost, the need to be with her partner no longer absorbs her, the fire within her has died a little.

 

But her son...

 

She remembers, upon meeting Dan for the first time, the simultaneous hopes and doubts that flooded her mind. Hopes, in the sense that back then they were so completely gone for each other, so willingly devoted to the other's wellbeing, that she could see a future between them. Doubts, because even the greatest romances can crumble and fall. They were young and in love, but also potentially reckless and self-destructive. She feared what she had thought was the inevitable crashing and burning.

 

But it never happened.

 

Over eight years they haven't lost their fire, their passion, their need. They remain utterly smitten, their hearts quite obviouslystill flutter and explode but now with greater strength, they still have eyes only for each other.

 

Over eight years they've made each other their reality, their home, their very essence. Despite the possibility, for most couples an inevitability, of them crumbling and falling, or the fire within them dying, they took a dive into the deep end and remained breathing, avoided drowning. They took a chance, a risk, and it paid off.

 

"Mum..."

 

She snaps back to reality to realise she's still grinning uncontrollably in their general direction, to which Phil is responding with a raised eyebrow.

 

"Are you okay?" he asks, amusement evident in his tone.

 

"Never better," she responds. It's not a lie.

 

She returns to the conversation the rest of the family's having, but she doesn't miss the fact that Dan has quite obviously fallen asleep, content and comfortable in Phil's embrace. She doesn't miss Phil's reaction when he realises, softening his gaze as he shakes his head fondly. She certainly doesn't miss the discussion that follows as he attempts to wake his partner up.

 

"Dan," Phil whispers, to no avail.

 

"Dan," he whispers again, with a little more urgency.

 

"Mmh?"

 

"Come on, love, let's get you to bed."

 

" _Love_? Since when are we that couple that uses cheesy pet-names?"

 

"Since now?"

 

"Alright, _darling_."

 

"Fine then, _sweetheart_."

 

"Please stop."

 

"I'll stop when you get off your butt and get into bed."

 

"You're the one trapping me here."

 

There's a pause.

 

"I hate it when you're right."

 

"You love me."

 

"You're an annoying, sarcastic little bugger and I hate you." The tone used could not have been fonder, and even as Phil responds his face splits into a smile that stretches from ear to ear.

 

Dan buries his face his partner's neck again, dimples and eye crinkles in full force.

 

"You're warm," he states simply, his voice muffled.

 

"You'll be warmer once you're in bed, come on now," responds the elder.

 

Dan grumbles, but he sits up as he stretches and wipes the sleep out of his eyes while Phil retracts his arms from around the younger and moves to sit up as well. They leave the room together after sleepily waving a goodnight to the rest of the family, shoulders bumping as they stumble out.

 

Kathryn smiles to herself.She smiles to herself in the knowledge that her boys will be okay. It's been eight years so far and yet there's been no sign of failing romance between them.

 

They will be okay. More than okay.

 

They have each other, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback, whether in the form of kudos or comments, is appreciated! Have a good day :)


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